Honestly,I messed up - DD unhappy with her dress

One day I was driving with my DD and she asked why I didn't get teary-eyed when she picked her gown.

If you weren't crazy about the look your daughter picked for her big day what would you do?

My DD's dress is not a mistake but it was the first dress she tried on and bought that day which was 17 months before her wedding. I didn't want to interfere so I let it all happen. It's so hard to know when to speak up and when to be silent.
So to answer her question I told her that the dress is in good taste and beautifully made but I would have liked to try on more dresses to be sure. At this point she felt the same and had some serious doubts too. She understood that there was time to cancel her order so she started looking at other dresses. Big mistake to add to the other mistakes.

At the time of her purchase it was 17 months until her wedding. The designer was in the shop and everyone fussed over her and she felt really great about her choice. She now has doubts about it and feels it was an impulse purchase but I think I put that doubt in her mind.

What should I do to help her. I want her to be a happy confident bride.

Just so you know, the dress is in production.
The contract gives an explanation that your dress can be canceled as long as it isn't in production but they don't tell you that they send the order in the very next business day. Be very careful before you put down any deposits! We really thought there was a window of time to cancel the gown.

How can I fix this mess?

Re: Honestly,I messed up - DD unhappy with her dress

I think the only way to fix this would be to try on other gowns and see how she feels. Then if she finds a different dress that she truly LOVES more than the one in production and if you can afford it..just cancel the first one and buy the second one. Your daughter and you may both find that your first choice really is the best one, but you won't know unless you satisfy your curiosity.

Good luck.

Liz

Re: Honestly,I messed up - DD unhappy with her dress

Hi Liz:

What you suggested is exactly what we did.
She didn't find another dress she loved but she did find that she wants something completely different in feel than the one she ordered.

We probably should have checked with Kleinfeld's before we started looking at other gowns because now we opened Pandora's box.

It is such a mess. In order for her to feel somewhat satisfied with the purchase she wants to have a custom veil made using the unique lace the designer used for this gown. The lace is over $330 a yard! The veil is going to cost a fortune!

We changed the shape of the bodice and they charged us $500 to do that! It just gets more and more upsetting. I feel like I'm being raked over the coals by the store.

Perhaps it's time to sit with a bridal consultant to help us with the big picture. The right accessories and venue decor might help her to feel better.

DD was feeling brave at the time of purchase and odered a gown with black accents. It's a couture gown and in good taste but now she is regretting the whole idea. Her color scheme was to be black,white, and light pinks. But she's already tired of it. I think I need a therapist to get me through this.

But thanks so much for responding.

Re: Honestly,I messed up - DD unhappy with her dress

I got my dress at Kleinfelds and had a great experience.

The thing is you sign a contract for a reason. it DOES cost the bridal salons money to order it etc.

So what do you do? Talk to them. Im SURE they will work with you to make you happy. Yes it does cost for that (and it *****) but they WILL help you.

Good luck ladies!

Re: Honestly,I messed up - DD unhappy with her dress

Yes, the store is trying to work with us but charging quite a bit to do so.

I found a dressmaker that may be able to make changes that might help DD feel better about it.
She can customize a veil and may even be able to add a sheer fabric over the gown and then apply the lace to that. That sounds costly too. We'll have to see.

Also, the store is going to bring the sample dress back in to discuss enhancements and the veil.
That was very nice of them.

I think we just need to go for it and try not to look at other gowns.

I was crazy enough to consider buying another dress. But, this gown is just too expensive and I don't think it will resell very easily since it introduces color and many brides shy away from that.

Best Regards

Re: Honestly,I messed up - DD unhappy with her dress

good luck! At least Kleinfelds is working with you!

Re: Honestly,I messed up - DD unhappy with her dress

I honestly think it will all work out as soon as you go back to Kleinfelds and have them help you with the dress. They have very talented fitting people there that can do wonders with a dress.
I also think her theme will be beautiful once they make her gown the way she likes it. It will all be unique and beautiful
I can't wait to see it all come together.

Good luck again,
Liz

Re: Honestly,I messed up - DD unhappy with her dress

I thought I'd update the dress dilemma.

The store brought the dress back in. While it isn't the look I envisioned for DD, it is a beautiful gown and we both feel it is my daughter's style.

I would just like to issue a word of caution to moms and daughters. If you guys are the type that can decide on a dime, this advice isn't for you.

If your DD bought three prom dresses before finally deciding on one then might I suggest that you really shop around. Try many styles in different budgets. It doesn't have to be couture to be beautiful. Don't put down a deposit right away. Go home and sleep on it. Go back and look at the dress again. If the feeling is the same then go for it.

Discuss ahead of time that you will be objective and honest. Don't be afraid to talk about your concerns.

I'm attaching our inspiration board in case anyone is curious.

Message edited 5/20/2009 10:23:21 AM.

Re: Honestly,I messed up - DD unhappy with her dress

I'm trying the inspiration board again. It's not posting for some reason.

Re: Honestly,I messed up - DD unhappy with her dress

Thought I'd give a dress dilemma update.

The staff at Kleinfelds has been very understanding and trying their best to work this out. In a way we're kind of excited about how we are going to proceed at this point.

We are going to have the dress made without the lace and then we are going to have either a dress designer or Kleinfelds recreate the gown to reflect the style my daughter prefers. We've been shopping and trying on gowns and she is more confident in the look she wants to portray on her big day.

Maybe I'm being naive but being the artistic types we love the idea. DD and I have always had a keen interest in bridal gowns and used to sketch dream gowns when she was younger. This could be a really fun project and then again it could be a disaster but somehow I think it will turn out great.

Re: Honestly,I messed up - DD unhappy with her dress

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Posted by TNJ2010

Thought I'd give a dress dilemma update.

The staff at Kleinfelds has been very understanding and trying their best to work this out. In a way we're kind of excited about how we are going to proceed at this point.

We are going to have the dress made without the lace and then we are going to have either a dress designer or Kleinfelds recreate the gown to reflect the style my daughter prefers. We've been shopping and trying on gowns and she is more confident in the look she wants to portray on her big day.

Maybe I'm being naive but being the artistic types we love the idea. DD and I have always had a keen interest in bridal gowns and used to sketch dream gowns when she was younger. This could be a really fun project and then again it could be a disaster but somehow I think it will turn out great.

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Re: Honestly,I messed up - DD unhappy with her dress

Dress update:

My DD's dress came in and we went to see it.
We're not going to redesign it because we haven't found anyone we feel confident with.

It is a beautiful dress but somehow just isn't the exact thing she wanted. I can really understand that so I feel for her.

My DD lost 20 pounds since we ordered the dress. We ordered the dress in size 10 and it is gigantic on her. She fit in the runway sample so I'll never understand why we ordered a 10.
The salon promises it will be altered to look like it did the day we purchased.

One special thing she decided to do is wear my wedding veil and we are having it remade to a longer version. It looks amazing.

We discovered something interesting and it may not be for everyone but I want to say that it must have been what was needed all along.

I felt so bad about her not feeling thrilled about her gown that I agreed to the purchase of a "reception" dress.
We shopped for it yesterday and we had so much fun! Yes, I thought this was another money pit idea in the wedding industry but for us it was just the thing. She will have a ballgown and a glamour dress for her wedding. The two parts of her personality she felt she needed to express in one dress. You don't have to spend a lot on the second dress to have fun expressing that part of your personality.

Moving on now and feeling good about our decision.

Re: Honestly,I messed up - DD unhappy with her dress

Glad it all worked out and I am sure she is going to look amazing in both dresses.